I find myself once more in a place of nothing, of transition. My health issues with my ears and breathing have returned with the second ear infection this year. I had told myself that if I had one more this year I would not go to India – so I’m not. I mean really, with sciatica added in the mix it’s just not a good idea to leave for a place where I probably can’t reach a doctor without help. Let alone a place where health care just isn’t at the level of Dutch health care. I find myself becoming very attached to Dutch health care as it turns out I need a lot of it…
At the same time I’m letting go of some of the conditionings the Theosophical Society left me with. See my recent post about Jiddu Krishnamurti for instance. Unlike some people have thought, it’s not so much a way of seeking permission to teach – as it is about being allowed to learn.
I guess part of the issue is not so much about what K meant, but how his teachings have influenced the people who in their turn influenced me. Influence… anathema to Krishnamurti himself, but a fact of human existence. And getting beyond conditioning is usually started by revolting against it. Which I guess is what I am doing even while I acknowledge that Krishnamurti has influenced my personal approach to spirituality as much as Blavatsky has.
I just spend a couple of hundred euros in a bookstore on philosophy books. Not going to India, combined with a lack of intellectual stimulus (aka: I’m bored) have combined in the following plan: studying philosophy. However, with recent cuts on university education in The Netherlands, this is an expensive plan. So I thought I’d first read some of the books that are part of the first year curriculum.
Being in transition is a familiar feeling for me, however it does get a bit tiresome. I’d so love to have a clear role in society, a path to walk that is clear cut and easy. It’s not to be. I’ll have to settle for living in the moment best I can.
The upshot is that financially I’m in somewhat safer waters these days. I’m even considering buying myself an apartment. Though going to college may make that something more of a long term project. Those who feel they can spare a little something to help me study and reach my other goals are of course welcome to Donate.
Anyhow: whenever the void I’m in brings insights I can put into words, I’ll share them here of course. For the present it seems likely to be less regular than I’ve been so far. What I have to say may become a bit more philosophical, as I study Western Philosophy and compare it to what I’ve learned of Eastern thought, but that still falls under the heading of considering all, and I hope you’ll all continue to enjoy what I write.