How desire feeds on itself

I almost bought a new laptop this week.

I use my laptop as a desktop, in conjunction with an external screen, mouse and keyboard. The external screen has been turning yellow for weeks now. Very annoying. And since my business is to be online and work with software all day, a yellow screen is more than just an annoyance, it’s detrimental to my work. Buddhists may rightly note though that I’m motivated by aversion here… (one of the three poisons that keep us in Samsara)

Anyhow… I tried a new cable for the screen. I tried a new screen. When that didn’t work the implication could no longer be avoided… It wasn’t the screen, nor the cable… It’s the laptop itself.

That had me really annoyed. I just want to do my thing. Buying a new screen is a simple thing, buying a new laptop is a totally different ball game, not to mention significantly more money.

I just didn’t want to think about it, let alone get myself a new laptop, even if the money itself is not a big deal these days. More aversion.

However, necessity is not something to be denied, so I did two things. One, it had occurred to me that the laptop might simply be overheating, so I checked what internal parts I could easily reach for dust (none) and got myself a laptop cooler.

Despite the fact that it’s tax season, I also went to our local pc shops to find out about the latest laptops and what they could recommend. It turns out that the laptop that fits my needs is lighter than my current laptop, faster, has a bigger hard drive and is stylish as well…

I didn’t buy it of course: I still hadn’t finished my laptop cooling experiment, but I did know which laptop I’d want IF the yellow screen thing returned.

A week later it looks like cooling the laptop does the trick, fortunately.

However, you guessed it, I’m almost sorry. That other laptop was so pretty, so elegant…

Desire feeds on desire.

[post script] I did buy that laptop a week later: even the screen of the laptop itself is now turning yellow when in use long. [/post script]

7 thoughts on “How desire feeds on itself”

  1. Believe me, you are definitely doing the right thing. I am sorry always to buy new things as they cost a lot to the earth. It’s true happiness when you don’t have things and just leave them where they are, rather than get things that destruct. You’ll know when you realize that deeply. And nothing in the whole world is yours anyway, that realization also keeps you from spending.

  2. ok… desire feeds desire… If we aware about desire, we can know many thing about desire…

  3. Oh I needed to read this today!

    I have so many emotions and feelings that get twisted into desire; which of course does feed itself and more…

    Glad your experiment worked!

  4. I think that in this case you buying a new laptop has a greater positive impact on both yourself and the world if you didn’t.

    And – as long as are aware of the consequences of your doing, it does not have to be detrimental to your path.

  5. Well done for your determination of fixing what you already have, I found your actions highly inspiring. Too often nowadays we see all varieties of objects being thrown away and disregarded at the slightest hint of a problem, more need to be like you!

  6. yes, you are definitely right. To buy new things always costs a lot to the earth. It’s true happiness when you don’t have things, rather than get things that destruct.

  7. Give in. Get yourself a new laptop (w/all the bells and whistles). The Mayan calender…. or maybe Jesus will return even before…

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