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How desire feeds on itself

March 29, 2012

in Buddhism, Spiritual Growth

I almost bought a new laptop this week.

I use my laptop as a desktop, in conjunction with an external screen, mouse and keyboard. The external screen has been turning yellow for weeks now. Very annoying. And since my business is to be online and work with software all day, a yellow screen is more than just an annoyance, it’s detrimental to my work. Buddhists may rightly note though that I’m motivated by aversion here… (one of the three poisons that keep us in Samsara)

Anyhow… I tried a new cable for the screen. I tried a new screen. When that didn’t work the implication could no longer be avoided… It wasn’t the screen, nor the cable… It’s the laptop itself.

That had me really annoyed. I just want to do my thing. Buying a new screen is a simple thing, buying a new laptop is a totally different ball game, not to mention significantly more money.

I just didn’t want to think about it, let alone get myself a new laptop, even if the money itself is not a big deal these days. More aversion.

However, necessity is not something to be denied, so I did two things. One, it had occurred to me that the laptop might simply be overheating, so I checked what internal parts I could easily reach for dust (none) and got myself a laptop cooler.

Despite the fact that it’s tax season, I also went to our local pc shops to find out about the latest laptops and what they could recommend. It turns out that the laptop that fits my needs is lighter than my current laptop, faster, has a bigger hard drive and is stylish as well…

I didn’t buy it of course: I still hadn’t finished my laptop cooling experiment, but I did know which laptop I’d want IF the yellow screen thing returned.

A week later it looks like cooling the laptop does the trick, fortunately.

However, you guessed it, I’m almost sorry. That other laptop was so pretty, so elegant…

Desire feeds on desire.

[post script] I did buy that laptop a week later: even the screen of the laptop itself is now turning yellow when in use long. [/post script]

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