Comments on: Honesty is the best policy… except…

By: Larry

Larry — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 03:10:44 +0000

I try to apply- ( Honesty without compassion is cruelty ), tough when i am emotional.

By: CherylK

CherylK — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 21:31:09 +0000

I’ve been reading my way through your blogs and websites and somehow ended up here. It’s such a good post. I learned a long time ago that breathing deeply or counting to ten is important for me, personally. It was a good lesson to learn.

By: Katinka Hesselink - All Considering

Katinka Hesselink - All Considering — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 08:58:18 +0000

Hi Susan,

Thanks for sharing.

One other issue with telling the truth when it may hurt is that it may make it easier for people to realize it when they are ready to.
There’s a difference between people saying they agree, and people listening. I think it’s very often the case that even when people don’t seem to hear, they may still store it somewhere inside and it may germinate there. I’ve sometimes made it a point to very strongly put up an unpopular opinion, not because I thought people would agree or give any acknowledgment that they were listening – but simply to make sure that they were familiar with that point of view.

In all these things balance is the main thing – but it’s a very difficult balance.

By: Susan

Susan — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 03:31:44 +0000

I found this article very well written. I work in an atmosphere where telling the truth can have interesting consequences. My co-workers are very often challenged when I will tell a patient or family member what may be a seriously bad news. What I have learned is the old song is very true, “A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.” (Paul Simon-The Boxer, i think) If news or knowledge are too painful, the person simply will not consciously acknowledge what you have said.
I have also learned that one way to defuse anger is to simply acknowledge and reflect, “You seem angry, can you tell me about it?” I was amazed to find this technique working with family and friends as well as strangers. Even when think they are angry with me. I usually can make things right, because I don’t act with malice, but I do make mistakes. Acknowledging mistakes you’ve made validates the person who feels wronged, and usually results in a resolution that works for everyone.
I really liked this post. Good food for thought.

By: Katinka Hesselink - All Considering

Katinka Hesselink - All Considering — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 07:39:14 +0000

Hi Amy,
Thanks for responding.
I think staying calm is the best policy even in many cases where the provocation is NOT meaningless.

I’ve recently been witness to several quarrels that got out of hand because people – with plenty of provocation – could not stay calm. It is natural to respond to aggression with anger, but one can only prevent escalation by staying calm.

And I’m not at all suggesting this is easy.

By: Amy Lundberg

Amy Lundberg — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 03:20:23 +0000

Great post. People shouldn’t let the meaningless things get to them.