Comments on: What annoys me in others is what I need to look at in myself?

By: Wendy Gillissen

Wendy Gillissen — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 08:58:19 +0000

Hm, interesting topic! I agree saying we are annoyed by our own projection is too simplistic.
I’ve come to see it this way: when we have an allergic reaction to someone’s behavior, an overreaction, it’s often because that other person is displaying a trait we do not allow ourselves to express healthily – and they mirror it in the extreme. Which really pushes our buttons. And tells us something about ourselves. It’s like looking in a carnival mirror.
For instance, I get really, really annoyed by aggressive drivers – especially when they take up all the space on the road and nearly drive me into the ditch!
After some soul searching I found some fundamental doubt at the bottom of my soul about the right to BE – to take up space like anyone else. When I am ticked off by aggressive drivers I know I have to look at my own sense of worth and assertiveness – the right to my own space and boundaries. When I feel firmly rooted in my right to BE, aggressive drivers magically take themselves elsewhere.

By: Tanya Tkach

Tanya Tkach — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 17:13:04 +0000

Katinka,
Looking at what annoys us in others is a very good method of discovering ourselves and the negative emotions that we carry within which is part of our spiritual growth. Once we know the negative emotions and why, we can release them and move forward.

You said, “I’m annoyed at someone who doesn’t schedule very well.” The point is how you feel inside, what is underlying the annoyance, and why.

For example, does it make you feel rejected, or not important? If so, it’s important to look at the underlying emotions. It really has nothing to do with the one who schedules badly, that person is merely the trigger for your negative emotion.

If you are carrying “rejection” for example, it could be from something that happened in your past, as a little girl. Once you know what caused the “rejection”, you can release it, forgive yourself for carrying it, forgive the other person who made you feel “rejected”, and then move forward. Once you have released the underlying negative emotion(s), you will not have the same reaction of annoyance when someone schedules badly.

This is part of your own spiritual growth.

By: spiri2al.com

spiri2al.com — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 02:26:42 +0000

Help dealing with annoying people – what do they mirror in you?…

It’s very common basic spiritual and psychological advice that ‘That which annoys me in others is a mirror of what I need to look at in myself’. (@verna_maruata) Well, I thought I’d look at that a bit more today….

By: Christine

Christine — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 12:45:32 +0000

I think re-evaluating the situation and trying to look at it from a different angle helps. I used to be the queen of getting annoyed. What has helped me: taking a lighter view of the world, choosing not to care so much about a situation, focusing on other things rather than constantly putting so much attention on the things that annoyed me.

As for other people being annoying, there is really nothing you can do except change your reaction to them. I don’t seek to change these people, but rather focus on my own inner peace. Also, I think if one’s own sense of inner peace is strong enough, that in itself will have a strong influence on others.

By: Katinka - Spirituality

Katinka - Spirituality — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 06:48:06 +0000

I don’t know about Eckart Tolle, but I think Mother Teresa probably knew very well how to get people to work together. And how to get rid of people who were there for the wrong reasons. Perhaps the ideal is to bypass the annoyance and get to the proper response directly.

But for most of us the annoyance is a sign – hey, something is not right. It may mean we need to look at ourselves, how we’re dealing with things. It may mean we need to communicate better. It may mean someone else is being passive aggressive.

Whatever it means, there’s something that is asking for attention. Merely saying ‘I should not be annoyed’ is not going to work.

By: Christine

Christine — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 02:12:42 +0000

I think being annoyed and thinking things are a big deal go hand in hand. Perhaps when we finally figure out that nothing in life is a “big deal” then we’ve hit the jackpot. When’s the last time you saw Eckert Tolle or Mother Teresa be annoyed?

By: Mark Boardman

Mark Boardman — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 06:39:43 +0000

I pick up on two things in what you say:

1) Annoyance
2) Big Deal

I think I basically agree that people mirror back to us what we project to them. So if we feel annoyed by someone, then we should think what is it in me that annoys myself. But isn’t the next step to let go of that annoyance? Isn’t being annoyed just some manifestation of the ego? In this case the ego saying something like: “I do it the right way and they do it the wrong way.” But wouldn’t Spirit say something like: “There is no way.” Or: “Every way is the right way.” Or, even: “There is only The Way.”

My feeling is that I would try to focus on the emotion of being annoyed and try to understand where it is coming from. So the mirror aspect of this isn’t so much to see some behaviour in myself that is wrong, but to learn how to let go and project something more like love or acceptance.

The “Big Deal” question is harder for me to write about sensibly. It is more emotion right now, than words. But I think your point that:

Perhaps it’s a form of wisdom not to have too many things you consider ‘big deals’.

is very close to the mark. It is not too simplistic. In fact it is exactly the point. Don’t you think? Big Deals imply Big Disappointments or Big Arguments or Big Negative Energy. Why allow that to happen? To be part of humanity we should all learn to accept and to love. When we do that, doesn’t the issue of Big Deal just dissolve away? Now maybe I’m being too simplistic….